okay - initial observations; firstly, that, in terms of structure and transitions it's much improved :-)
okay - I know you're keen to keep your number of frames down to the minimum possible, but I do thing you need to extend your opening - presently, the action just starts very abruptly, and, as an audience member, I feel 'thrown in' without due time to settle into the world of your story - I do think this is key because you have to establish Bert's boredom and lacklustre routine - in other words, the audience has to 'experience' time in the same way. I think a) you have to create more lead-in time - so, from the moment the film begins there is enough time for us to ease into your world and take stock of it; this doesn't mean lots of animation - it just means taking your time (again, I know that means frames and that's what you're keen to keep to a minimum, but I'd argue it's what your film needs to work in terms of rhythm and pacing. Likewise, I think we need to see Bert being bored and disengaged with the television light on his face; we need to see him sigh and lose energy and then into sleep; I know you're going to include the photograph of him and his wife as part of this establishing scene, and I think you can use this - he looks at the television, the light flashing on his face, some kind of non-descript murmuring coming from it: he turns his head to look at photo; you match cut that shot to his view of the photograph; you cut back to his face, cut back to a slow pan onto the photograph, back to his face, animate a sigh; back to the television light, he slumps, grows tired and then you're off and running; all of this can be quietly done, with face acting as a premium. You see, if you don't invest in this set-up, the emotional resonance of the film won't convey as strongly as you need it too.
You've probably got this sorted, but just before Bert is jolted out of his first fantasy sequence, you should bring up the buzzing of the fly as part of the soundscape of the dogfight scene, so that it dominates and then links us straight into the 'reality' after he wakes up.
It's not absolutely clear that it is a fly that has awakened Bert, simply because it's a small object in a mid-shot scene - is this a problem if the audience needs to understand the situation straight away? It might be worth considering an additional structure here? For instance, how about at about the 38 sec mark, you let the fly come out towards the audience away from Bert and settle momentarily on the tv ariel - you do a focus pull, so that Bert is out of focus and the fly is in sharp focus - and you have it 'buzz-buzz' and then fly off again, and then pick-up with Bert again (You've already got the ariel in shot at this moment - but for no clear reason - to put the fly on it just makes sense and stages the situation in no uncertain terms).
When you have the eyelid shot, be sure to continue the cockpit sound effects (but fading away) into this reality scene to blend the transition - indeed, be aware that carrying over sfx and overlapping sfx over hard edits is another tried and tested way of 'invisibilising' your editing - try it and see - just carry the sound over into the first few frames where you need to make a blend, and you'll notice the difference.
I know you want to keep your story succint - and in story terms you've accomplished it - but films have their own internal rhythms too and you must be sensitive to that.
Also remember to start rendering as soon as you've got a scene ready-to-go - even if it's out of sequence; if you can bank it, do it - do not wait until the entire film is completed to begin this process. Render as you go along! Don't save it up....
See you soon. Keep on with it - it's coming along nicely.
Evening Heather,
ReplyDeleteokay - initial observations; firstly, that, in terms of structure and transitions it's much improved :-)
okay - I know you're keen to keep your number of frames down to the minimum possible, but I do thing you need to extend your opening - presently, the action just starts very abruptly, and, as an audience member, I feel 'thrown in' without due time to settle into the world of your story - I do think this is key because you have to establish Bert's boredom and lacklustre routine - in other words, the audience has to 'experience' time in the same way. I think a) you have to create more lead-in time - so, from the moment the film begins there is enough time for us to ease into your world and take stock of it; this doesn't mean lots of animation - it just means taking your time (again, I know that means frames and that's what you're keen to keep to a minimum, but I'd argue it's what your film needs to work in terms of rhythm and pacing. Likewise, I think we need to see Bert being bored and disengaged with the television light on his face; we need to see him sigh and lose energy and then into sleep; I know you're going to include the photograph of him and his wife as part of this establishing scene, and I think you can use this - he looks at the television, the light flashing on his face, some kind of non-descript murmuring coming from it: he turns his head to look at photo; you match cut that shot to his view of the photograph; you cut back to his face, cut back to a slow pan onto the photograph, back to his face, animate a sigh; back to the television light, he slumps, grows tired and then you're off and running; all of this can be quietly done, with face acting as a premium. You see, if you don't invest in this set-up, the emotional resonance of the film won't convey as strongly as you need it too.
You've probably got this sorted, but just before Bert is jolted out of his first fantasy sequence, you should bring up the buzzing of the fly as part of the soundscape of the dogfight scene, so that it dominates and then links us straight into the 'reality' after he wakes up.
It's not absolutely clear that it is a fly that has awakened Bert, simply because it's a small object in a mid-shot scene - is this a problem if the audience needs to understand the situation straight away? It might be worth considering an additional structure here? For instance, how about at about the 38 sec mark, you let the fly come out towards the audience away from Bert and settle momentarily on the tv ariel - you do a focus pull, so that Bert is out of focus and the fly is in sharp focus - and you have it 'buzz-buzz' and then fly off again, and then pick-up with Bert again (You've already got the ariel in shot at this moment - but for no clear reason - to put the fly on it just makes sense and stages the situation in no uncertain terms).
When you have the eyelid shot, be sure to continue the cockpit sound effects (but fading away) into this reality scene to blend the transition - indeed, be aware that carrying over sfx and overlapping sfx over hard edits is another tried and tested way of 'invisibilising' your editing - try it and see - just carry the sound over into the first few frames where you need to make a blend, and you'll notice the difference.
I know you want to keep your story succint - and in story terms you've accomplished it - but films have their own internal rhythms too and you must be sensitive to that.
Also remember to start rendering as soon as you've got a scene ready-to-go - even if it's out of sequence; if you can bank it, do it - do not wait until the entire film is completed to begin this process. Render as you go along! Don't save it up....
See you soon. Keep on with it - it's coming along nicely.